If A Day...

... is like one thousand years with Jesus, then she's going on 4,748,000 years...

I wrote the following three years ago, on this anniversary.



Glancing Back While Facing Forward

On that day, as a crumpled heap of sorrow on the floor, I didn't think my shattered heart would make it to the next day... much less ten years.

And yet, here I stand, on a day when I allow myself to look back as well as forward.

The stages of grief that I was so clueless about, but had to experience... ready or not... have formed me into who I am today.

What was unimaginable has become a part of the tapestry that is my life.

The raw pain, wrenching sobs, and throwing up that turned to bittersweet tenderness when her name dances across my mind
The weird guilt of "am I even allowed to hurt this badly if she was just my friend, not my sister?" that turned to "I loved her - that is enough to warrant sorrow"
The solace found in lyrics and poems that turned into precious gems that I carry in my heart
The angry glares at the stars that turned into understanding glances as I speak words I want only her to hear
The ready tears as each new memory surfaced that turned to secret smiles as the years have made them worn out and indescribably dear
The panic as I began to forget little things about her that turned to joy when I remembered new ones
The purple balloons released on each birthday that turn into spots of soaring happiness as they get further from me and closer to her
The refuge found in the arms of someone who whispered "I know" that turned into my arms holding others and my mouth whispering comfort

It still sometimes makes me sick to my stomach when I am reminded that we wont have any new memories until Heaven.
Or when I see a picture of her when I'm not expecting it.
Or hear a story that I hadn't remembered... that isn't safely in my mind's box of "I have mulled these over for enough years that they are now sweet and not painful."

I tend to think "I owe a lot to you, Mindy Dawn," and then I realize that while I do owe you a lot, I owe so much more to the One who has faithfully guided me on this journey... the One who has allowed me to learn of ridiculously powerful emotions through losing you. The One who you are currently adoring face to face.

And so I'm quiet on this day... remembering... loving... and praying for those who miss you so deeply.

Taking some consolation in the fact that perhaps these beautiful words by Antoine de Saint-Exupery were penned especially for us:

"You – you alone – will have the stars as no one else has them.
In one of the stars I shall be living.
In one of them I shall be laughing.
And so it will be as if all the stars were laughing, when you look at the sky at night…
You — only you — will have stars that can laugh!”

My Favorite Day!

When December 26th comes each year, I spend the entire day relishing the fact that I am truly loved...

It's not because of the after-Christmas glow that most think of.

It's because on December 26, 1979 God gave me not one, but BOTH of my best friends. My precious "A's."

Our three-fold friendship has seen laughing, crying, and growing up together. We've huddled in grief at gravesides, and we've celebrated with abandon at weddings. We've vacationed together, and kept the phone lines busy and email networks hopping.

All three of us are hard-core NH girls... But due to life's twists and turns, are all living outside of our beloved state right now.

There have been the times that Drewey and I have met half way between NH & RI to drink coffee and sit in the car, talking for hours in the pouring rain. The times that I've driven to Amy's house and cried on her couch, because my broken heart was too much to bear alone.

And this year... they sent me off to a foreign country with their love and their blessing.

 

 

Happy birthday, my two best girls... Love you both so much it hurts!

"Real Christmas" by Default

How often have I heard "Christmas is about family?" Christmas movies proclaim it. Hallmark markets it. And I truly believed it.

Presents are fun, but I could really take them or leave them, as long as my family is near by. Same with our traditions. It's comfortable and happy to have Chinese food featuring Dad's egg rolls every Christmas Eve, and to have Dad pray before we open our gifts around the lit tree, saving stockings for the morning. But if there weren't many presents, or we didn't eat the traditional food, Christmas wouldn't be that different for me, because it's about having those I love close by. It really means family to me.

So, being in another country, having family stripped away and Christmas still approaching, is making me think... and think hard. About the real meaning.

The Christmas that involved...

Mary, most likely terrified, yet courageous... having maternal hopes and dreams for her human son, even though she knew that she had no control over the future of this God Son.
Joseph, betrayed, yet not bitter... willingly stepping into the role of step-father to a child that he had to take on faith was not some other man's.
Innkeepers all over Bethlehem, missing out on the greatest night in history.
Shepherds, ordinary lives interrupted by something beyond imagination, running to see if the angels had spoken truth.
And -
Jesus, coming to earth for me. ME.

We sing cutesy songs about how He left heaven for us... but I've made myself think about that in ways I never have before. Dwelling on what it would mean to go from resplendent glory, having the adoration and respect of all creation, to a smelly stable... Going from omniscient God to an infant who was incapable of doing or thinking anything. And as He got older the human longing of any little boy to grow up into a man, yet knowing that when that happened His purpose here on earth would have to be fulfilled... painfully. Brutally. With finality.

Mom sent me a message the other day, talking about how different this Christmas season is for her as well... first one since Darren was born that none of us kids have been home. And what she wrote has been ringing in my head and heart:

"One thing I'm finding about this Christmas season is that because I'm not focused on getting ready for Family or getting ready to go see Family...

I ask more, "What would YOU have me do today to bless others?"
 

It's like Real Christmas by default or something."

And though I'm still a weepy mess every time I hear "I'll Be Home for Christmas," I'm trying with every ounce in me to have a "Real Christmas by Default."

Because Christmas IS so much bigger than family.

Christmas is about a Baby. Who grew up to be a Sacrifice. And will come in the clouds as King.

We're Not in Kansas Anymore...

"WATCH OUT!!!"

Les slammed on the brakes and we narrowly missed a partially confused, fully terrified monkey as he ran across the road in front of us.

We got finished exclaiming about him, when... "WATCH OUT!!!!"

There, less than fifty feet down the road, the brakes were slammed again, and we sat for several minutes as these dudes (and dudettes) surrounded our car and went lazily on their way.

And we talked. We talked about how frequently during our days we say in our heads, "We're not in Kansas anymore, Dorothy."

Not even a little bit.

The Mission of Massage

"Too often we under estimate the power of a touch, a smile, a kind word, a listening ear, an honest compliment, or the smallest act of caring, all of which have the potential to turn a life around."

- Leo Buscaglia

 

In my life before I moved to Costa Rica, massages meant welcoming a client into my peaceful studio... walls a warm chocolate brown, candles lit, peaceful music and incense burning. Massages meant bringing someone to a state of relaxation that their bodies and minds desperately needed. Massages meant monitoring breathing to see that my client was relaxed, and offering up silent prayers for what life was currently throwing their way. Massages meant listening... to either snores, sobs or stories.

 

Massage last month in Nicaragua held no peacefully painted studios, no candles or incense, and certainly no calming music. A concrete slab floor beneath me, and corrugated tin roof above me. Chickens to my right, children dancing to wild music to my left.

 

And yet, half a world away from NH, the need was the same. People longing for safe touch, a brief respite from life, and relaxation.

 

There were the people that I can't forget, because they were so excited and so thankful. The adorable little old lady who came, still wet from bathing, dressed in her very best dress, replete with frilly apron, and doused in perfume. Because getting the first massage of her life was An Event. One that required the very best her wardrobe had to offer.

 

And there are the people that I can't forget, because my heart still hurts whenever I think of them. The woman whose reply to where she'd like me to focus the massage, was her shoulder because her husband hit her with a baseball bat... ten years ago, and it still hurts every single day. The same woman started crying on my table, gentle touch helping her release the mourning of losing a son who was hit by a car several months ago.

 

Many of my clients in NH were prenatal, and they became my absolute favorite massages to give. I love seeing mom rest peacefully for the first time in months. I love feeling baby move, first an excited "someone is playing with me" and then an "ahhhh" as they relax and accept the loving touch. And I miss that. I miss it so much.

 

So I prayed hard that day in Nicaragua... "Jesus, please bring me a pregnant belly. Just one. I miss it so." And in walked this beautiful woman, radiant, with a very swollen belly. Seven months along, knowing it was a little girl. And willing to have this stranger give her the first massage she'd ever gotten.

 

She started the massage with her hands gripping the side of the table, but by the time we were done, there was a peaceful smile on her face, and her hands hung limply off the sides.

 

Karli, a PT major who had recently taken some classes on massage, was working with me. I had her ask mom if it was ok to use her amazing body as a teaching moment. Mom graciously said that was fine, so I was allowed to share this sacred moment with Karli. To see her eyes go wide with wonder as she first felt the baby move, and then saw the ripples of movement on mom's belly, reminded me of the joy of working on my first pre-natal client. The joy I still feel with each new person.

 

It was loud. It was dirty. There were ants, flies, fleas and lice. But it was a day full of holy moments.

 

A day where I had to wipe away tears, because I truly felt like the luckiest girl alive. Being Jesus-with-skin-on. Bringing touch to people who were in desperate need.

 

 

Headaches and Healing

There are things that are big deals, things that are Big Deals, and things that are BIG DEALS.

 

Headaches have been a big part of my adult life. I've tried chiropractic, acupuncture, supplements, seeing an oral surgeon, massage, drinking copious amounts of water, and asking for prayer over and over. Some of those things have helped for short periods of time, but it had gotten to the point where before I moved to Costa Rica, I was dealing with upwards of five headaches a week, often times toeing the line on migraines and painful enough to factor into whether I could function normally (or happily) or not.

 

Dad told me several months before I moved that he had taken it seriously to begin praying that headaches would not be something I dealt with in Costa Rica. And when I spoke at various churches about coming down, one of the biggest prayer requests I had was about headaches.

 

At one of the churches where I spoke, a precious woman came up to me after, who also has frequent headaches and told me that she was going to use hers as a reminder to pray for mine.

 

To be honest my faith was very little, because they've been a huge part of my life for so many years.

 

However, my faith has increased by gigantic proportions, as in a huge answer to all the prayers that have gone up on my account, I can count on one hand the bad headaches I've had in the nine weeks that I've been here.

 

Consider this post my way of being the one out of the ten lepers who chooses to be thankful. (Luke 17:11-19)

 

 

Stars

Besides family and friends, the thing I've discovered I miss the most here in Los Anonos, is seeing the stars.

 

Growing up on Chestnut Hill, the stars were a constant. Being that far out in the country, with no light pollution, going outside at night was like walking into a very low-ceilinged planetarium. As if, being granted longer arms, I could touch thousands of them. Between the years I spent there as a little girl, sitting on the roof over our front door, and the ten where I lived in my own apartment there, I have no idea how many thousands of nights I spent outside, staring up at the stars.

 

There were times that I'd look up and feel at peace, because if God could put all those in place, He certainly had my little life under control. And then there were times when I had a hard time seeing the stars, because I had too many tears in my eyes. I remember looking up and saying, "God - just let me know You're there," and having the words of a song by Carolyn Arends come rushing at me... "I was wishing You would write to me a message in the stars, as if the stars themselves were not enough."

 

Stars. They were always there. And they were a special thing between my Jesus and me.

 

Before I moved down, I called Julie in a panic. "Can you see the stars in Anonos??" "Not really," was her reply. And it's true. In Anonos, where it is loud and bright all the time, it's almost impossible to see the stars. I've gone out at night, desperate to catch a glimpse of a starry sky that would feel like home, and counted four stars... and a plane.

 

On our trip to Nicaragua, I was in a really intense conversation with a friend about deep pain, how we can really KNOW that God loves us, and how fully vested He is in our every day lives. I was mid-sentence, when I realized that as we had been talking, it had gotten dark. My eyes shot upward, and there they were.

 

Sparkling. Beautiful. Familiar.

 

The tears starting streaming down my face, as I said, "THIS is how I know that God loves me. I have missed stars SO much, and as we sit here discussing where He is in painful life experiences, He shows up. In the stars."

 

The next night we pulled chairs out, and just at for over an hour feasting on the stars. And that's when God decided to send me back to Anonos with a full love tank, as He sent a huge shooting star full-length across the sky.

 

The next part of that song by Carolyn?

 

"There You are - loving me like crazy
There You are - though I am unaware
There You are - when my heart is doubting
Even there You are."

Of Mission Trips and Mosquito Nets

Until the morning that we left for Nicaragua, I had been really dreading this trip. And because I was dreading it, I (maturely) ignored the fact that it was about to happen. Mom asked me a few days before we left how I was feeling, and what God was saying to me about it. My reply was that I hadn't talked to Him about it, so I hadn't heard Him say anything. And that's when I realized I needed to get my head and heart right before we left. So God and I talked. And I came away with Ephesians 3:20... "Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us..."

 

It was up to me to ask. And when I asked, God was saying He has the ability to answer with more than I could put into words or imagination. So I asked. I asked for joy. And grace. And a vision. And for Him to do amazing work in our team, and through our team. So, in faith I crawled into the van at four o'clock that Thursday morning, wondering what God was going to do.

The trip was l-o-n-g, but the views were stunning. If possible, Nicaragua is even more beautiful than Costa Rica. We arrived at a small camp for missionaries in Tipitapa... It was like Fairwood, but Nicaragua-style. (By that I mean that there were more hammocks, monkeys and mosquito nets than in Dublin) There were three buildings - a long dorm (big rooms with 11-15 bunk beds each), a kitchen/dining hall, and a church. The acoustics in the church were incredible, and the worship times we had each night were truly a foretaste of Heaven.

 

(I discovered that mosquito netting makes me very claustrophobic... trying to imagine I was a princess did not work)

The first two days we were there, we split into two teams... one team did eye glass clinics each day, and the other team did a construction project. Doing eye glass clinics makes me really happy! We have vision testing kits, so each person who comes gets tested, and (if needed) a prescription written on a piece of paper. They then go through a fitting session. We have thousands of pairs of glasses, sorted out by prescription and various people on our team work with each individual, trying on pair after pair, to find one that helps.

 

(Testing the vision of this 97 year old treasure)

 

(Bags of glasses)

 

And then each person who gets glasses, gets prayer. I was lucky enough to be on the prayer teams both days, so along with my little translator, I was allowed to bring these precious people to the Throne of Grace. It struck me this time how almost each person we asked "how can we pray for you" started with "mi familia." It was only with more prodding that they would ask for something for themselves. And even, that was rare. We were able to lift up needs of mothers who had breaking hearts over children in prison, fathers who wanted to lead their families in a God-honoring way, women who wanted restoration of relationships, and men who needed physical healing. There were kids running around every day, and sometimes we'd corral them into helping us pray. It never gets old to see a little tiny hand laid on a great big shoulder - seeing the faith of a little child in action.

(Love transcends language)

 

(Faith of a child)

 

The rest of the time was filled with piñatas (watching an 80 year old woman get in on the action amidst almost 100 children is a sight that wont be readily forgotten), church, prayer walks, eating the best fried plantains you can imagine, building relationships with the team and Nicos, worship, and taking hundreds of pictures.

 

(Filling my own love tank, while filling hers)

 

(Keeping the troops entertained with my iPhone)

On Sunday we offered massages to the people of the community. And that was such an incredibly special time for me, that it's going to have it's own post... coming soon.

I came home feeling like the luckiest girl around -- and realizing that God had indeed answered with more than I had asked for... and more than I had imagined. He consistently gave grace and strength when it was needed. Rivers of unconditional love for people who desperately needed it. Endless faith to bring each person's needs to Him. Energy to persevere in the ridiculous heat. (No joke, it was about 800° each day)

 

(Sunset on our last night... San Juan del Sur)

 

So blessed. And so grateful.

A Smattering of Thanks

Continuing on with my "One Thousand Gifts, Costa Rica Style," I give you:

46) Worship Night... Dual worship with Di from across the room, harmonizing in English & Spanish

51) Hebrews 4:16, and the quote Evan sent me. "Lord, I crawled across the barrenness to You with my empty cup... If only I had known You better, I'd have come running with a bucket." -- Nancy Spiegelberg

58) THE MVCC TEAM IS HERE! Seeing people from home is balm to my spirit.

59) Setting up my massage chair

67) Van ride to the ocean on our free day... seeing crocs, loud music and so much laughter

69) Walking the beach -- watching the sun set -- falling asleep to the sound of the waves

73) UNO games so intense, they make you sweat!

80) Realizing anew that the armor of God is made specifically for me. I'm not a kid playing dress-up, I have the armor of a warrior princess

89) The breezes that sweep through this house when all the windows and doors are open

92) Looking around the room and being overcome with the feeling of how lucky I am to be serving alongside these amazing people

99) Evan's stability and the kindness in his voice when I call freaking out

104) An unexpected donation which will cover two months of my weekly tutoring, starting in January.

106) Watching fireworks through the kitchen window

111) Telling Jack, "I have a secret for you" on Skype, and having him yell "I KNOW!! YOU LUB ME!"

114) "God is plotting for your joy"

A Pictorial Post

Doing the tourist thing on our days off, this day we went to see The Basilica in Cartago 

 Stunning views from our table at Sanchiri Restaurant

 Eating homemade coconut ice cream! Les saw this and said, "Suffering on the mission field for Jesus, I see."

 Every Saturday morning I get a pipa, which is cutting the top off a green coconut, and drinking the water inside. Delish, and Way Healthy.

 Playing with the kids... sometimes using chalk on the ground gets boring. That's where gringas come in!

Some Costa Rican beauty to leave you with... Happy Thanksgiving Eve, precious friends!

An "Ouch" Moment

This past week we began two pretty intense Bible studies -- Beth Moore's "Breaking Free" and a VBI course on The Kingdom of God. Each one of them has had a lot of homework that involved chapters and chapters of reading various books in the Bible.

It was exhausting, and if you were here in the house, you may or may not have heard snippets of “Wow, this is a lot!” or “I’m tired of reading the Bible!”

This morning we sat down to do one of the studies and Diana asked, “So, how many of you were tired of all the reading?”

It was pretty unanimous. And then she said, “I was too, but then God convicted me. And I just want to read something to you.”

She pulled out a piece of paper and said, “Here is a list of the 52 countries where it is illegal to have a Bible in your possession,” and began to read name after name.

I was in tears by the time she was done. Millions of my fellow brothers and sisters are longing for a chance to read any word from a Bible… some risking their lives to own something that I have two of down here in Costa Rica, and several more packed away in New Hampshire. And I had been complaining about doing something that to them is inconceivable.

Sometimes I get so ashamed of how “first world” I have become. And then I remember that my feeling shame isn’t going to change anything. However, applying Hebrews 13:3 to “remember those who are in bonds, as bound with them” and praying for those who don’t have the freedom to read the Bible WILL make a difference.

Join me?

 

 

One Year!

(subtitled: Holy CRAP, all that can happen in 366 days??)

One year ago, on November 1, I was newly licensed as a massage therapist, had just left a job that I hated and was setting out on my own in my dream career. Life was going in exactly the direction I had been praying and planning for, for so many years.

And then I got the phone call asking if I wanted to take someones place on MVCC's trip to Costa Rica, leaving in two days.

I said "yes," Googled "Where is Costa Rica?" and life has never been the same.

(November 2011)

By the end of that trip, plans had already been made to go back in July, as a co-leader for MVCC's youth trip.

And before Christmas, I knew that God was asking for more than just short-term commitments. I filled out the application, had my "interview" with Les & Di, and said "yes" to a year of interning in Los Anonos.

The trip in July was confirmation that Costa Rica was where God was calling my heart, and I spent the time trying to wrap my head and heart around the fact that everything I was seeing would soon be my "new normal."

(July 2012)

And when I got home at the end of July, it was time to sort, sell and pack up everything, except for two duffel bags and one trunk, that came with me on October 9th.

I look back to that Tuesday morning, smiling that one year ago I had to Google where the heck Costa Rica was, and now... I'm living here.

God has done so much in my heart over this past year. In some ways, I am a completely different person, yet in many ways I'm just way more me than I ever have been.

The transition has not been easy, but He never promised that it would be. He did, however, promise that He would be with me every step of the way. And I've seen Him over and over again... in the good things and in the hard things.

(This morning)

Perspective

Off and on over the last 15 years, I've had the habit of keeping a "happy book" or a "thankful journal" -- writing down three things from the day that I was thankful for, before going to bed at night. I've also had friendships throughout these years, where we'll email back and forth with things we're grateful for, to keep the right perspective.
 

This summer I was involved in a book study of "One Thousand Gifts" by Ann Voskamp. (buy it, read it, embrace it!) It's an amazing study on gratitude. Learning during the easy-to-thank times to look for the gifts that God has for us each day, so that during the painful times, our go-to reaction is still to give thanks.
 

And my goal was to do a list of "One Thousand Gifts -- Costa Rica Style" during my year down here.

 

I'd been dutifully writing down things that I saw as gifts to me, directly from my Father, throughout these last two weeks. However my attitude had been far from grateful. I couldn't get out of my own way, focusing only on what I had left behind, not on what He had brought me to. I had lost count of the times I'd said, "I don't even feel like the real me."

 

 

On Wednesday, I had an epiphany. My attitude was crappy, and it needed to change. If my goal for this year was for it to not be a wasted opportunity, I needed an adjustment. Pronto.

 

So I called Mom and told her that I was changing my attitude. And then proceeded to spew negativity throughout the entire phone call. By the end I was sick of myself, and sick to my stomach.

 

 

Last night Rodney led a Bible study about thankfulness. Ugh. Convicting much? And yet even as I sat there, squirming uncomfortably about my lack of thanks, I was So Happy thinking that it didn't have to be my mindset forever. I COULD re-adjust, and stop writing things out of duty, but really search for the good that God has for me down here. And between last night and this morning, not only has my mindset changed, but my list has grown.

 

Here is a smattering of some of the gifts God has given me in these last two weeks:

 

1) Having a large poster of Psalm 121:8 greet me on my way to the gate at the airport - "The Lord shall preserve thy going out and they coming in from this time forth, and even for forevermore."

 

4) A room of my own

 

7) Bi-lingual worship

 

9) Earthquake! (that should be pluralized, since the time that I wrote it initially in my journal)

 

10) Isaiah 41:9&10 "...'You are my servant, I have chosen you and not cast you off;' FEAR NOT, for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God; I will strengthen you, I will help you, I will uphold you with my righteous right hand."

 

11) "Lord of the Rings" with Spanish sub-titles

 

15) A feeling of belonging in the middle of San Jose

 

19) Snotty nosed children who don't care that I don't speak Spanish, kissing my face and snuggling close

 

25) Hearing other people's stories as to why they're on the mission field

 

26) A timely glass of red wine

 

35) The shuffle of feet at the door of the church, heralding the arrival of reinforcement prayer warriors when it seems we'll be all by ourselves

 

37) Re-reading "This Present Darkness"

 

41) The devotee at the Basilica, who went up the aisle on his knees out of deep reverence

 

42) WAFFLES with the girls!

 

(On a fun note, this blog post was eaten by my laptop after I wrote it, which meant that I got to WITH MUCH THANKS and certainly no grumbling, re-write the entire thing. Well played, God... well played.)

 

 

What's a Stride?

And how do I hit mine?

Costa Rica has been my address for one and a half weeks, and I’ve shied away from blogging, because there is far too much processing going on in my head and my heart that I didn’t want to share with the general populace.  It is too new, too raw, too beautiful and too painful.

But here is a brief glimpse into my past ten days.

I knew that the transition from “normal” to “new normal” would be intense. But I didn’t know it would be quite as intense as this.

There are times that I miss my friends and family so much that I literally think I’m going to throw up. And  then there are times that I see strangers in the community and I love them with a passion that is so intense it startles me.

Earlier this week I was sitting in a little park in the middle of San Jose, and looking around I thought, “This is home.” And then there have been the times when I’ve been in my bedroom here at the house and thought, “This is as far from home as I can possibly be, while still taking up space on planet earth.”

In all of this, going back to NH has never crossed my mind. I’ve never questioned that I belong here.  I know God called me here. I also know that the transition is painful.

The night before I left, I got an email from a friend who, several years ago, had also left everything to follow where God was asking him to go… and he wrote that during his time of being far from home, and wondering what God’s purpose was, “the bigger work He had in mind was really just wanting and getting ME, more fully than He had ever had me before... you are leaving behind the easily-reached sources of comfort and companionship which mean so much to you… my prayer for you is that in those times (of needing comfort) you will find the love of Jesus deeper and more fulfilling than it has ever been.”

And when I wrote him the other night to tell him various things that have happened, and how shredded my heart is right now, his response was “But somehow, much as I hate it, this is part of what He has you there for, too. He’s not surprised by it. And He hurts with you over it. And His grace is sufficient.”

And so I rest in the fact that even though my over-achieving, high-expectationed self would like to be able to tell you that in the last ten days I have hit my stride, seen lives changed, communities changed… Heck, seen the WORLD changed, all that has been changing is me. As, removed from all that is familiar, I draw in close to the One who should be most familiar to my heart.

There have been many good things – reconnecting with people here in Los Anonos, bi-lingual prayer and worship times, personal devotional times that have rocked my world, the beauty of the mountains as a constant view, fresh fruit and avocados the size of my head, and the new family that God is forming here at our discipleship home.

My feet are on the ground. My head is in the game. My eyes are on Him.

Just a little taste...

... of my daily view. This was tonight's sunset.

So beautiful, this new country of mine!

"I'm HERE!"

she said, stating the obvious.

After months of prep time, weeks of cleaning, sorting and packing, my feet are on the ground (well, currently tucked under me on the couch) in Costa Rica.

More words and more pictures will come later.

Right now, I'm busy processing... and unpacking... and drinking the best coffee around.

Just A Little Glimpse...

... of what my new normal is going to look like.

Quiet Confirmation

When we landed in San Jose and I got off the airplane, I was waiting for an overwhelming sense of "THIS IS WHERE I BELONG." It didn't come in the first 15 seconds and I worried. But as the time went on, it became abundantly clear to my head and my heart that Costa Rica is where I belong.

I wrote Mom & Dad and said, "It's not a face slapping excitement... it's more like a quiet confirmation deep down in my soul." And I'm grateful, because I know it's that quiet confirmation that will get me through the bad days during my year there.

Our team worked VERY well together, and it was awe-inspiring to see the work that they allowed Jesus to facilitate in their hearts. Deb & I were humbled over and over again, by the answers that we saw to our prayers, as each team member would take giant leaps of faith, catapulting themselves out of their comfort zones to follow where He was leading.

(Our team, plus several of the dudes from Anonos... prayer & worship in San Jose)

People ask me, "What did you guys do down there?" and it's a hard question to answer, because our projects were so diverse. But when I was thinking about it more this morning, the words that kept coming to mind were, "We loved." That love was expressed in various ways, like blowing bubbles with kids, giving out eye glasses, worshipping in two languages, sitting in the filth of a San Jose street to lay hands on someone while we prayed, or moving piles of heavy rocks... We were given the precious opportunity to be Jesus-with-skin. And that means, we loved.

And now I'm back in NH for nine weeks. I left an even bigger piece of my heart in Los Anonos than I did last November, and I'm ready to see what God has in store for my year in Costa Rica.

Bring on the horizon!

Getting It

She snuggled up next to me, asking hard questions about death, babies and adulthood. We talked a bit, while I tried to navigate the minefield of too-adult answers, and truth.


And then I asked, "When you get older, do you want to have lots of babies?"


She looked at me and said, "No, I want to be like you."


"You mean you want to love on your nieces and nephews?"



"Yup, and spend lots of time with them. And be a missionary."


She gets it.


A few weeks ago, the kids were bantering about how long I was staying in Costa Rica.



They were coming up with ideas of how long was too long, and how soon I should come home.

"Ten DAYS!" one shouted



"Ten MINUTES," the next one giggled.


The oldest calmly said, "She's not going to change many lives in just that amount of time."


He gets it.


My heart may be obliterated at the thought of leaving them for an entire year, but when I told them I was going, and they asked why, one of the reasons I told them was, "For you."


I want all my "kids" (esp my nieces and goddaughters, but all of them) to have a rock solid belief that even if God doesn't have their heart's "Plan A" of husbands, babies and family in their life-plan, their lives are still full of worth. God can use single women in big ways. Adventures don't only come with wedding bands.


But most of all, I want them to get that HOWEVER He calls us, the right thing to do is say "Yes."

In Just One Week...

... I'll be feet on the ground in Los Anonos! Leaving there in November, I thought July would never come. And it has seemed like a V-E-R-Y long time, but it's HERE.

We have a great group of seven teens and two not-so-teens (Deb & myself), who are on fire and ready to knock this trip out of the park. Their enthusiasm is incredibly refreshing, and it's fun to see the various aspects of the trip through their eyes.

This weekend our team is doing a retreat at the church, to practice our drama presentation, do a service project, work on our Spanish worship songs, walk around Manchester, pray together, and hang out for long periods of time, so they get a taste of what it will be like to work as a team.

Things to pray about:

• Team Unity
• Deb has a slipped disk in her back, and is in considerable amounts of pain most of the time
• I broke my toe on Monday, and though the pain is getting more bearable, it's still really uncomfortable
• Safety for our travel day next Friday
• Everyone on our team allowing God to do His work in our hearts
• Preparation of hearts in Anonos
• Finances - almost all the team members have raised what they need, but there is still a little left that needs to come in

In Football Terms...

... I'm at the 50 yard line, as far as finances. Well, almost. I'm only $300 away from being there.

This = BIG DEAL!

This = Many prayers answered!

This = 5,300 more dollars to go!

My Razoo account has been updated from the July youth trip, to my year internship, so online donations are now being accepted. They can be one time, weekly or monthly.

Kindly click HERE to see the page.

Checks or money orders can be sent to my home address, or to Manchester Vineyard Community Church at

150 Dow St
Manchester, NH 03101

If you choose to send it to MVCC, please enclose a note with the check, indicating that it is for my internship.

I have a page in my journal where I've been keeping track of how much money has come in, and here's a picture of it. Each box represents a day of my year in Costa Rica that has been paid for...

Many thanks to each one of you, who have helped fill in those green squares!

Ephesians 3:20

"Now to Him who is able to do far more abundantly than all that we ask or think, according to the power at work at work within us..." -- Eph 3:20

"And my God will supply every need of yours according to His riches in glory in Christ Jesus..." - Phil 4:19

My first official fundraiser was this week, down in Virginia.

I threw my massage chair in my car and set out on Sunday morning, for three days of blessing people with chair massages, on a donation basis.

Looking ahead to the trip, I had been praying for a specific amount to be raised. I was being conservative, and after some soul-searching am not all that sure whether it was because I didn't want to be disappointed, I didn't think I was worth asking for more, or what the root cause was, but I picked a number and claimed it with God. I didn't tell anyone what that number was, because I wanted it to be between me & God... I wanted Him to provide, not someone saying, "Well, I'll write a check for the difference."

After three days of giving chair massages, God brought in over THREE TIMES what I had asked for. TRIPLE! TRES!

It was an amazing boost to my faith, but also pretty convicting.

I serve a God who loves me. Who allows me to ask for what I really need. And who ABUNDANTLY provides, in creative and splashy ways.

And it's time that I become not just comfortable when approaching Him, but bold in my requests.

 (Day One of providing chair massage - at a park in Maryland)

Day Two of the fundraiser was at HSLDA. I worked there 10 years ago, and it was a wonderful chance to catch up with some friends, meet many new and wonderful people, and to share my passion for what God has in store for this next chapter in my life.

(Day Three of chair massaging - back porch of a beautiful B&B in Hamilton, VA)

And So It Begins...

It's time to fundraise!

I've sent out some letters and talked to people if they ask questions, but all of the fundraising that I've been doing recently has been to help the teens earn money for the July trip.

Now, it's time to seriously fundraise for October.

This weekend is the kick-off with a yard sale. It's just a first round of purging, but I'm praying that things sell. Partly, because I want my apartment back. I'm not one that loves having my living room/kitchen look like the above!

And early Sunday morning I'm driving to VA for three days of chair massage, to raise money. I'll be at a park on Monday, HSLDA on Tuesday, and a B&B on Wednesday.

I'm excited to see my VA family and friends, to share my passion for Costa Rica, and to bring chair massage to the sunny south!

Be on the look out for pictures.

My Prayer - Today, and Everyday

Live Like That - Sidewalk Prophets

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GfosSggwQS0

Sometimes I think
What will people say of me
When I'm only just a memory
When I'm home where my soul belongs

Was I love when no one else would show up
Was I Jesus to the least of us
Was my worship more than just a song

I want to live like that
And give it all I have
So that everything I say and do points to You

If love is who I am
Then this is where I stand
Recklessly abandoned
Never holding back
I want to live like that

Am I proof that you are who you say you are
That grace can really change a heart
Do I live like your love is true
Peopel pass and even if they don't know my name
Is there evidence that I've been changed
When they see me, do they see you?

I want to live like that
And give it all I have
So that everything I say and do points to You

If love is who I am
Then this is where I stand
Recklessly abandoned
Never holding back
I want to live like that

I want to show the world the love you gave to me
I'm longing for the world to know the glory of the King

Truth

When I first came home from Costa Rica, the call on my life was intense, and the desire to return brought me face down before God on a regular basis.

Now, the intensity has somewhat dulled, the list of things to do before I move has grown exponentially, and the realization that this is actually going to happen sometimes makes me sick to my stomach.

However, my set of soul is rock solid.

And the assurance that I'm in the middle of God's will is quietly there, even in the middle of the night.

So, I cling to this.

My Letter to You...

Mission trips had always scared me. Not the adventure part - I love adventure! Not the leaving my comfort zone part, I'm down with that. Not the loving on other people in Jesus's name - I LOVE doing that! It was the fact that I knew myself, and I knew if I went... I'd never come home. So to be safe, I just never went.

Last November I had the opportunity to go to Costa Rica in a dramatic "God brought in $900 in 48 hrs, so I guess I’d better go" sort of way, and it rocked my world. I fell in love with the place and with the people. And before I even left Los Anonos, I had begun plans to return in July as co-leader of our church’s youth trip.

With my longing to be a mom, I thought it would be the really young kids who would capture me, but during that time in November, it was the teens/young adults who won my heart. Their raw love of Jesus and total dependence on Him made me ashamed of the lukewarmth of my Americanized Christianity. Seeing the poverty they live in, and the broken homes they come from broke my heart. And when I heard about Missio Dei Costa Rica’s (http://missiodeicostarica.org/) vision of opening a discipleship home for the young people of Los Anonos to receive help with school and English, and mentoring  in building a firm foundation in Jesus, my heart leapt at the opportunity to join in. My deepest cry since meeting those teens was that I would be able to encourage them in reaching their full potential so that they can help shape their community for good.

I’ve been accepted into the internship program at Missio Dei Costa Rica, and am making plans to go in October of this year, for 12 months. Emotions are high in ALL areas right now… Excitement at returning to a place that won my heart, terror at leaving my comfortable life in NH, extreme grief at the thought of leaving my precious nieces and nephews, and the euphoria that comes with anticipation of a complete faith free-fall.

So, I am asking for your prayers. This is a gigantic leap of faith, and I need to know that my people at home have my back in prayer. Prayer that my heart is being prepared for going down long term, and that God will move mightily in the community that’s going to be my home for a year. As the time gets closer, I’ll be setting up a blog, so that you can follow the answers to your prayers in Los Anonos. I will also be compiling a list of emails to send out updates, if you’d like to be included in that.

Finances… The part that no one likes to talk about, but that can’t be ignored. Between the trip in July, and my year beginning in October, I need to raise roughly $11,000. (I SEE YOU STARTING TO CRUMPLE UP THIS PAPER!) Asking for help is not one of my strong suits. In fact, to be brutally honest, I’ve lost countless hours of sleep trying to figure out how I can do this on my own without asking anyone for money. But recently I was convicted as we talked to our youth team about how the Biblical concept of “sending” is just as important as the “going” part. (Acts 13:2-4)

Combining all the expenses I’ll incur for a year (room/board, transportation, Biblical course studies, phone, etc), it only costs $28 a day! So, here’s what I’m thinking. If I were still in the states, and you and I are friends and lived relatively close to each other, we’d probably meet for dinner. And we’d  spend $28 or more… Would you pray about giving that money to the opportunity of allowing me to bring Jesus to people in Costa Rica instead?  (Unless you think we’d go to The Chophouse… and we’d share a bottle of wine, wherein, you can write a check for $200.)

Donations for the July trip can be made online at http://www.razoo.com/story/Lindsay-Jones-Fundraising-For-Missio-Dei-Costa-Rica-Equipo-De-Jovenes-2012?referral_code=share (I’m working on setting up an online donation option for my internship as well)

Checks can be sent to my home address:  212 Chestnut Hill Rd, New Boston, NH 03070

If you’d like your donation to be tax deductible, you can make your check out to Manchester  Vineyard Community Church, and put “Lindsay Jones – Costa Rica” on an accompanying note.

You have the chance to be part of this incredible opportunity without even having to leave your house! How amazing is that??

With a whole heap of love, gratitude, and free hugs!
Lindsay