What's a Stride?

And how do I hit mine?

Costa Rica has been my address for one and a half weeks, and I’ve shied away from blogging, because there is far too much processing going on in my head and my heart that I didn’t want to share with the general populace.  It is too new, too raw, too beautiful and too painful.

But here is a brief glimpse into my past ten days.

I knew that the transition from “normal” to “new normal” would be intense. But I didn’t know it would be quite as intense as this.

There are times that I miss my friends and family so much that I literally think I’m going to throw up. And  then there are times that I see strangers in the community and I love them with a passion that is so intense it startles me.

Earlier this week I was sitting in a little park in the middle of San Jose, and looking around I thought, “This is home.” And then there have been the times when I’ve been in my bedroom here at the house and thought, “This is as far from home as I can possibly be, while still taking up space on planet earth.”

In all of this, going back to NH has never crossed my mind. I’ve never questioned that I belong here.  I know God called me here. I also know that the transition is painful.

The night before I left, I got an email from a friend who, several years ago, had also left everything to follow where God was asking him to go… and he wrote that during his time of being far from home, and wondering what God’s purpose was, “the bigger work He had in mind was really just wanting and getting ME, more fully than He had ever had me before... you are leaving behind the easily-reached sources of comfort and companionship which mean so much to you… my prayer for you is that in those times (of needing comfort) you will find the love of Jesus deeper and more fulfilling than it has ever been.”

And when I wrote him the other night to tell him various things that have happened, and how shredded my heart is right now, his response was “But somehow, much as I hate it, this is part of what He has you there for, too. He’s not surprised by it. And He hurts with you over it. And His grace is sufficient.”

And so I rest in the fact that even though my over-achieving, high-expectationed self would like to be able to tell you that in the last ten days I have hit my stride, seen lives changed, communities changed… Heck, seen the WORLD changed, all that has been changing is me. As, removed from all that is familiar, I draw in close to the One who should be most familiar to my heart.

There have been many good things – reconnecting with people here in Los Anonos, bi-lingual prayer and worship times, personal devotional times that have rocked my world, the beauty of the mountains as a constant view, fresh fruit and avocados the size of my head, and the new family that God is forming here at our discipleship home.

My feet are on the ground. My head is in the game. My eyes are on Him.