Perspective

Off and on over the last 15 years, I've had the habit of keeping a "happy book" or a "thankful journal" -- writing down three things from the day that I was thankful for, before going to bed at night. I've also had friendships throughout these years, where we'll email back and forth with things we're grateful for, to keep the right perspective.
 

This summer I was involved in a book study of "One Thousand Gifts" by Ann Voskamp. (buy it, read it, embrace it!) It's an amazing study on gratitude. Learning during the easy-to-thank times to look for the gifts that God has for us each day, so that during the painful times, our go-to reaction is still to give thanks.
 

And my goal was to do a list of "One Thousand Gifts -- Costa Rica Style" during my year down here.

 

I'd been dutifully writing down things that I saw as gifts to me, directly from my Father, throughout these last two weeks. However my attitude had been far from grateful. I couldn't get out of my own way, focusing only on what I had left behind, not on what He had brought me to. I had lost count of the times I'd said, "I don't even feel like the real me."

 

 

On Wednesday, I had an epiphany. My attitude was crappy, and it needed to change. If my goal for this year was for it to not be a wasted opportunity, I needed an adjustment. Pronto.

 

So I called Mom and told her that I was changing my attitude. And then proceeded to spew negativity throughout the entire phone call. By the end I was sick of myself, and sick to my stomach.

 

 

Last night Rodney led a Bible study about thankfulness. Ugh. Convicting much? And yet even as I sat there, squirming uncomfortably about my lack of thanks, I was So Happy thinking that it didn't have to be my mindset forever. I COULD re-adjust, and stop writing things out of duty, but really search for the good that God has for me down here. And between last night and this morning, not only has my mindset changed, but my list has grown.

 

Here is a smattering of some of the gifts God has given me in these last two weeks:

 

1) Having a large poster of Psalm 121:8 greet me on my way to the gate at the airport - "The Lord shall preserve thy going out and they coming in from this time forth, and even for forevermore."

 

4) A room of my own

 

7) Bi-lingual worship

 

9) Earthquake! (that should be pluralized, since the time that I wrote it initially in my journal)

 

10) Isaiah 41:9&10 "...'You are my servant, I have chosen you and not cast you off;' FEAR NOT, for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God; I will strengthen you, I will help you, I will uphold you with my righteous right hand."

 

11) "Lord of the Rings" with Spanish sub-titles

 

15) A feeling of belonging in the middle of San Jose

 

19) Snotty nosed children who don't care that I don't speak Spanish, kissing my face and snuggling close

 

25) Hearing other people's stories as to why they're on the mission field

 

26) A timely glass of red wine

 

35) The shuffle of feet at the door of the church, heralding the arrival of reinforcement prayer warriors when it seems we'll be all by ourselves

 

37) Re-reading "This Present Darkness"

 

41) The devotee at the Basilica, who went up the aisle on his knees out of deep reverence

 

42) WAFFLES with the girls!

 

(On a fun note, this blog post was eaten by my laptop after I wrote it, which meant that I got to WITH MUCH THANKS and certainly no grumbling, re-write the entire thing. Well played, God... well played.)

 

 

What's a Stride?

And how do I hit mine?

Costa Rica has been my address for one and a half weeks, and I’ve shied away from blogging, because there is far too much processing going on in my head and my heart that I didn’t want to share with the general populace.  It is too new, too raw, too beautiful and too painful.

But here is a brief glimpse into my past ten days.

I knew that the transition from “normal” to “new normal” would be intense. But I didn’t know it would be quite as intense as this.

There are times that I miss my friends and family so much that I literally think I’m going to throw up. And  then there are times that I see strangers in the community and I love them with a passion that is so intense it startles me.

Earlier this week I was sitting in a little park in the middle of San Jose, and looking around I thought, “This is home.” And then there have been the times when I’ve been in my bedroom here at the house and thought, “This is as far from home as I can possibly be, while still taking up space on planet earth.”

In all of this, going back to NH has never crossed my mind. I’ve never questioned that I belong here.  I know God called me here. I also know that the transition is painful.

The night before I left, I got an email from a friend who, several years ago, had also left everything to follow where God was asking him to go… and he wrote that during his time of being far from home, and wondering what God’s purpose was, “the bigger work He had in mind was really just wanting and getting ME, more fully than He had ever had me before... you are leaving behind the easily-reached sources of comfort and companionship which mean so much to you… my prayer for you is that in those times (of needing comfort) you will find the love of Jesus deeper and more fulfilling than it has ever been.”

And when I wrote him the other night to tell him various things that have happened, and how shredded my heart is right now, his response was “But somehow, much as I hate it, this is part of what He has you there for, too. He’s not surprised by it. And He hurts with you over it. And His grace is sufficient.”

And so I rest in the fact that even though my over-achieving, high-expectationed self would like to be able to tell you that in the last ten days I have hit my stride, seen lives changed, communities changed… Heck, seen the WORLD changed, all that has been changing is me. As, removed from all that is familiar, I draw in close to the One who should be most familiar to my heart.

There have been many good things – reconnecting with people here in Los Anonos, bi-lingual prayer and worship times, personal devotional times that have rocked my world, the beauty of the mountains as a constant view, fresh fruit and avocados the size of my head, and the new family that God is forming here at our discipleship home.

My feet are on the ground. My head is in the game. My eyes are on Him.

Just a little taste...

... of my daily view. This was tonight's sunset.

So beautiful, this new country of mine!

"I'm HERE!"

she said, stating the obvious.

After months of prep time, weeks of cleaning, sorting and packing, my feet are on the ground (well, currently tucked under me on the couch) in Costa Rica.

More words and more pictures will come later.

Right now, I'm busy processing... and unpacking... and drinking the best coffee around.